The plot thickens! Mmm plot…

Possible Alternate titles: Darth Vader Begins

• The TL;DR intro clearly is to cover scenes that the director just didn’t feel like shooting.
• At least they didn’t cheap out on the “War!” part of the intro. A daring battle between good and bad. Young Anakin and his Master Obi-Wan pilot their little ships thorugh clouds of enemy ships. “Missiles! Pull up!” And of course instead of up they go to the side.
• R4 meets a heroes death; decapitated and screaming.
• The Destroyers (little pod things with gun-wielding arms) definitely look like characters I’ve fought against in video games.
• Anakin and Obi in the elevator. Elevator freezes. Obi: “Did you press the stop button?” Ani: “No, did you?” C’MON GUYS. The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders and you have this exchange? Ani, were you expecting Obi to be like, “Just kidding bro, you should have seen your face!”?
• With the oil and fire trick setting enemy droids ablaze, R2D2 has become the most badass character in this movie.
• Except for Episode II, in which we have a bit of a reprieve from this, Jedis appear to be unable to cross or enter a room without doing a flip.
• Anakin dresses all in black all the time, while other Jedis are usually in neutral, earthy tones. Subtley in the production design department. Evidence that Anakin is Going Dark Side #4.
• Dookie’s hands are chopped off! His hands! What is with Star Wars and hand chopping?!
• Wilhelm Scream when we return to seeing the fight. I should have marked these on the other ones…
• Our Jedis are trapped in a light bubble that looks suspiciously like the field that keeps Zod, Ursa, and Non at bay in Superman (1978), and Superman II (1980).
  

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• Padme Amidala looks resplendent in LEIA BUNS. I count her hair/costume change at around 6. It  was a lighter movie costume-and-hair-wise for her.
• Padme is also preggers, so now Anakin can finally go Dark Side without upsetting the space-time continuum.
• Anakin has prophetic dream that Padme will die in childbirth. Reason for Anakin to Go Dark Side #4.
• Noticeably, General Grievous has a Darth Vader-like wheeze.
• There is DEFINITELY a Tarzan yell in the Wookie fight scene.
• Every time I hear “May the force be with you”  I always expect to hear “And also with you.” But that would be too overtly religious. Hollywood probably had to stop that out.
• Obi-Wan’s Komodo dragon/feathered lizard mount definitely leads my internal poll on what creature I’d love to see in real life. It’s cool and dragony, has a coyote bark, and is low in gas mileage.
• Obi-Wan drops down behind the bad guys. Nobody notices him, so he happily announces “Hello there!” Hilarious moment for sure, but I couldn’t help thinking how he had plenty of time and the element of surprise on his side to behead Grievous right then and there.
• Grievous wields 4 lightsabers and behaves like a video game boss. And thus, he must be defeated like one, one hand at a time (Seriously, what’s with the hands?)
• Also, in the tone of CinemaSins, “The Force is a d*ck to hands” DING!
• These prequels have such weird pacing. They cut right from Obi’s death-defying battle to ….a calm and collected Jedi counsel. I imagine a frantic writer in a Star Wars writer’s room, pulling his hair out saying, “No time for easing into another scene, people, we’ve got to move, move, move!”
• Chancellor Palpatine is obviously evil. Like, seriously, is he even hiding it?
• What came first, the Jedi or the lightsaber? Because according to Episode I, only a Jedi can wield a laser sword. So…have there always been Jedi? Or did someone create a useless handle for a sword once, got all disappointed, and then suddenly the knights of the Round Table..I mean Republic were born?
• “I’m tired of these MF’n Siths on this MF’n Council!” –Samuel L, probably.
• Anakin doesn’t get to choose his evil name? Seriously, that should be Perk #1 of going to the Dark Side–picking your own villainous alter ego.
• Chancellor Palpatine transforms into a gross live-action version of those stop-motion California raisins from the 1980s. Handsome devil. So he immediately goes from looking like a somewhat normal guy with a stunt double into an obviously evil, malicious dark lord…that looks like What’s His Face from the earlier movie. Is this what happens to them all? Dude, Vader, check out your potential future.
• When the Stormtrooper-lookin’ dude chats with Palpatine via hologram, he should appear to Palpatine as having to no han, since he’s holding the communication device in that hand. Which fits with Star Wars unsung War Against Hands policy.
• The betrayal of the Stormtrooper-lookin’ guys on all our good guys is so well executed, it’s kind of beautiful.
• Anakin. Tell me you did not just kill a room full of children. TELL ME YOU DIDN’T.
• The editor just used a blinds-wipe transition, like freaking Windows Movie Maker. Seriously?
• Kinda surprised Anakin’s lightsaber is still blue when he KILLED A ROOM FULL OF FREAKING CHILDREN. …ahem. I mean, don’t they act as mood rings, and change colors with the bearer’s allegiance? Maybe that’s dumb, but I’m sorry, my mind is clouded because ANAKIN KILLED A ROOM FULL OF FREAKING CHILDREN.
• When Anakin Force chokes Padme, I have to wonder–Did he forget his whole reason for going Dark Side in the first place? It was to save her and their baby(ies)! Not this rebellion against Jedis, or to continue the war or what-have-you.
• The lightsaber battle between Obi and Vader is so awesome…. they are surrounded by lava, literally melting everything they stand on. Epic.
• Obi-Wan: “It’s over. I have the high ground.” Both moral, and physical!
• Anakin must want to show off, because he doesn’t lose one hand (previous movie) but now both hands and his legs! He always was a bit of a show off.
• Anakin is the reason Padme dies! I think I knew it would happen (him being the cause of her death somehow) but I didn’t expect it in this order (aka him going evil before her death).
• Vader’s iconic helmet is lowered, he rises a new, half machine man. And James Earl Jones’ incredible voice comes out. And he asks for Padme. Holy crap, the feels. Why are their feels here? HE KILLED THOSE CHILDREN.
• Also, the Chancellor is all happy about Vader’s grief. Dude. Vader. Look at that smug bastard. Realize your horrible mistake.

I did not expect these feels, you guys. Now it’s onwards to the classic films (IV being a re-watch, but still necessary after seeing the lead up to it).